How to survive CNY with these 5 awkward questions


Well, it’s the time of the year where all you see is red, gold and rats (who thinks it’s a good idea to add them into the zodiac oh gosh!) and everywhere you go, you can hear the upbeat Chinese New Year music playing in malls, shopping malls, pasar malam (night markets) and basically EVERYWHERE.

 

As we soak into these traditional festive vibes, the annoying questions from your relatives have also become a tradition over the years. To be honest, we can’t blame them entirely for this as they just want to make some small talks and it’s in their blood to be kaypoh. But, no worries, here’s 5 ways to help you survive those awkward small talk conversations or you can choose to lose your shit.

1. Got Boyfriend/Got Girlfriend?

image credit: Verne Ho

 The most common question asked no matter what. Like as if having a romantic partner has anything to do with them. 

The answer to make them happy: No eh aunty, you have anyone to introduce?

The lose your shit answer: No I’m a nun or Yes I have 2 partners, now the trend is polygamy.

Well, unless you want the attention of the whole room, we guess it’s better to stick to the answer that makes them happy.

2. What are you doing now? Still studying or working?

image credit: Christin Hume

Even though you basically only see them once a year and it’s been 5 years since you told them you’ve graduated. This question frightens us all, especially if you just quit your job or if you are working as a freelancer. Instead of reciting your whole life story to them and let them judge you, just give them a short answer will do, they probably ain’t that interested anyway.

The answer to make them happy: Oh yes I am an adult now, I work and give my parents pocket money.

They are definitely gonna love you.

3. When are you getting married?

image credit: Samantha Gades

 

This question is applicable to those who likes to show off and brings their boyfriend over to collect angbaos. Well, jokes on you, now you have to answer them but no worries, it’s simple.

The answer to make them happy: Not yet aunty, waiting to save more money and start a happy family.

The lose your shit answer: Why marry when i can still bring him here to take all your angbaos?
 

4. When are you gonna have kids? Faster give birth, you all aging already.

image credit: Alex Pasarelu

Rude. The common question asked to married couples. You can choose to engage in a very “auntie” conversation by complaining about the cost of having children in Singapore and the time needed to take care of your children or you can simply say the answer to make them happy: Soon soon, we are trying. Can’t wait to be pregnant… (continues to be fake excited)

The lose your shit answer: You think having babies come very easy, just click a button and it will appear is it? / Feel free to ask my ovaries.

5. Aiyoh! Why are you so skinny? / Aiyoh! You fat already.

image credit: Anna Spratt

Both doubly rude. Some just don’t understand the metabolism problem and they think you have been dieting and some just think that body shapes don't change.

The answer to make them happy: No aunty, I’m always skinny / It’s just the festive season, ate too many pineapple tarts already 
(insert fake laughter)

The lose your shit answer: Born skinny, you have a problem?/ Have you put on weight? You look horizontally challenged.

So well, if you wanna survive and walk out of the house alive, better stick to answering them the way that makes them happy and feel respected. Huat uh!