I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Don't know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado... It’s just a refreshing breeze!
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks, "How much?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"
If I had to get rid of one body part it would be my spine Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back
#8If I had to get rid of one body part it would be my spine Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back
My wife told me, “Don’t stress out too much because your friends call you fat..” ...”You’re much bigger than that.”
MOM: "How do I look?"
DAD: "With your eyes."
Why was the milk so relaxed?
It was chilling in the fridge.
I wanted to tell a yoga joke.
But it was a bit of a stretch.
Why don't eggs like jokes?
They crack up
I was having an argument with my wife and she said I had a point
I didn't realise we were meant to keep score
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
When I drink alcohol, everyone says I’m alcoholic
But when I drink Fanta, no one says I’m fantastic...
I bought shoes from a drug dealer
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...
It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday.
Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.